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The 50 Best Retro Games of All Time (2023)

What are the best retro games of all time?

Although there have been a lot of amazing video games released recently, there is just something special about retro games that keeps fans coming back for more.

Today, we’re taking a look at the greatest retro games of all time, and counting down to the best of the best to ever be released.

The Best Retro Games of All Time

While there are thousands of great retro games, we’ve narrowed our list to the games that stood out the most and retain the largest fanbases today.

Here’s our list of the 50 best retro games of all time:

50.

SimCity

This open-ended city-building game was released in 1989 and kick-started a franchise that went on to create some of the best real-life simulation games of all time.

It features real-time city management and tasks players with having to build and expand their own cities while staying within their budgets.

You really have to play strategically if you want your town to succeed.

49.

Diablo

This dark-action role-playing game sold over 2 million copies and launched the franchise that still retains an incredibly loyal fanbase.

In Diablo, players have to venture through 16 randomly generated levels to eventually reach Hell and face the titular villain.

You can choose to play as either a warrior, rogue, or mage, and discover loads of weapons throughout the campaign, as well as abilities to make your character stronger.

48.

Frogger

Frogger was first released during the arcade era with the objective being to get the frogs to their homes by helping them cross a busy road.

Today it has many different spin-offs and sequels, but the original game still stands out as one of the greatest games ever made, and even today it is incredibly fun to play.

47.

Street Fighter

The competitive fighting game was first released in 1987 and since then has spawned six subsequent main series games and numerous spin-offs.

In the original, players have to fight their way through a martial arts competition that spans five countries and 10 unique opponents who all use different fighting styles.

You really needed to learn the attacks and special attacks in order to come out on top, and you can’t just spam buttons if you want to be the best.

46.

Chrono Trigger

Originally released in 1995, Chrono Trigger was created for the SNES, and it enjoyed both critical and commercial success.

This RPG has one of the most engaging stories, even today, and its multiple endings, lot-centric side-quests, and focus on character development make it capable of standing up against even the most modern role-playing video games.

45.

Mega Man 2

This action game was created by Capcom for the NES and it continued Mega Man’s battle against Dr. Wily.

Although the first game wasn’t very well received, this sequel changed up the gameplay, visuals, and audio mixing, causing it to be highly praised by both critics and players.

Even today it remains the best-selling Mega Man title, and it has been included in collections for the PS4, Nintendo Switch, and Xbox One.

44.

Pong

The first incarnation of Pong was released in 1972, and it is one of the earliest arcade games ever.

Based on table tennis, Pong is simple but ridiculously addictive, and it is easy to lose hours trying to beat your high score.

In fact, many people credit this arcade game with helping build the video game industry into the behemoth that it is today.

43.

Resident Evil

This 1996 survival horror game introduced players to Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine for the first time.

Often called one of the most influential video games of all time, players have to try and escape a mansion filled with infected creatures.

There are multiple endings to experience which gives this retro game a lot of replayability.

42.

DuckTales

Based on the animated TV show of the same name, DuckTales was released in 1989 for the NES and ported to the Game Boy in 1990.

The story revolves around Scrooge McDuck traveling around the world to try and collect as much treasure as possible while outwitting his old rival, Flintheart Glomgold.

Although it is a relatively straightforward game, its humor, graphics, and story are worth experiencing at least once.

41.

The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past

The third game in The Legend of Zelda series, A Link to the Past was released for the SNES in 1992 in North America.

Set years before the previous two games, this top-down perspective adventure tasks players with defeating the demon king Ganon and rescuing the Seven Sages.

While not the absolute best Link game of all time, A Link to the Past is still an amazing game and one that every fan of the franchise should play.

40.

Mortal Kombat

Mortal Kombat is one of the best fighting games of all time, and the original was released in 1992.

Unlike other fighting games of the time, Mortal Kombat overhauled gameplay to have easier controls and a lower focus on joystick movement.

Although it wasn’t the first fighting game to be released, it changed the way this genre was developed and its influence can still be found in many modern fighting titles.

39.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

As the first in The Legend of Zelda series to feature 3D graphics, Ocarina of Time was a big deal when it was first released, and today it maintains a strong fanbase.

In-game players must help save the land of Hyrule after an evil human uses Link to open access to the Sacred Realm where he proceeds to taint the Triforce and turn the world barren.

The story was highly praised, along with the visuals, gameplay, and soundtrack. It remains one of the best, and one of the must-play video games, even for those who have never picked up a Zelda game.

38.

Metroid

Metroid is one of the most recognizable retro games created by Nintendo and it was released for the NES in 1987.

This game follows the story of Samus Aran as she tries to track down Metroid organisms that were stolen by pirates who hope to turn them into biological weapons.

A critical and commercial success, this game kickstarted a franchise that is still one of the best in the gaming world.

37.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

This sleeper hit didn’t take off right away, despite being hailed as one of the best retro games of all time.

A direct sequel to Castlevania: Rondo of Blood, Symphony of the Night brought back loads of role-playing elements, nonlinear level design, and a focus on exploration.

For fans of classic video games, this is one that you definitely can’t afford to pass up, even if you may not have heard of it before.

36.

Duck Hunt

This light gun shooter was published for the NES and it used the NES Zapper along with a CRT TV to allow players to shoot ducks as they appear on the screen.

If players shoot enough they can progress to the next level, but if they fall behind, it’s game over.

Although the premise is simple, it is an incredibly fun game and definitely worth playing at least once.

35.

Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island

The original Super Mario World is one of the most popular Nintendo games of all time and in this sequel Yoshi takes center stage on a quest to reunite Baby Mario with his brother Luigi.

It is filled with puzzles and fantastic levels that make this platformer one of the best games to come out of the 1990s.

34.

Earthworm Jim

This side-scroller follows a robotic suit-wearing earthworm named Jim as he battles the forces of evil.

Released in 1994 for the SNES and Sega Genesis, this run-and-gun game is weird, wacky, and incredibly hard to put down.

33.

The Secret of Monkey Island

Praised for its humor, gameplay, and audiovisual design, The Secret of Monkey Island was published in 1990 as a point-and-click adventure game.

In this game, players fill the role of Guybrush Threepwood, a man dreaming of becoming a pirate. However, in order to achieve this dream, he must explore desolate islands and complete three difficult trials.

By far one of the best adventure games released in the 90s, this game is exceptionally well-written, and a must-play for anyone who loves a good story.

32.

Super Metroid

Released in 1994 for the SNES, this action-adventure game was the third in the Metroid series and it follows the events of Metroid II: Return of Samus.

Like the previous games, Super Metroid has a large focus on exploration, but it also introduces new concepts like an inventory screen, automap, and the ability to fire in any direction.

While this game has become very popular among speedrunners, it is also credited with establishing the Metroidvania genre of games, influencing a generation of game designers with ideas that can still be seen today.

31.

Space Invaders

This 1978 shoot’em up game is one of the greatest gems of the arcade era and it defined an entire genre.

The goal of this game is one that most gamers are familiar with; defeat waves of downwards descending aliens with a horizontally moving spaceship.

Although Space Invaders isn’t as action-packed as some of the best first-person shooter PS4 games, it is still going strong today with a dedicated fan base.

30.

Outrun

Outrun is an arcade-style driving game that was released by Sega in 1986.

The goal of this game is to avoid traffic and reach one of the five destinations to achieve victory.

This game is so popular and influential that its influence can even be seen in major titles like Forza Horizon and Need for Speed today.

29.

Shadow of the Colossus

Shadow of the Colossus was released in 2005 and has gone on to be considered an example of video game art due to its minimalistic landscapes and emotional hero’s journey.

The premise of this game revolves around the player character trying to resurrect a girl named Mono by destroying 16 towering colossi.

The colossi in this game are some of the largest opponents in video game history and their scale alone made this game a shoo-in as one of the best classic video games.

28.

Gran Turismo

Originally released in 1997, this game has gone on to spawn many of the best racing games of all time, but stands out itself as one of the best retro games.

This racing simulation pits players against AI drivers across numerous race tracks with different modes including arcade and simulation.

Simulation is much more like a full campaign, while arcade mode gives players the ability to freely choose their cars and race wherever they want.

27.

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

This 1993 action-adventure game is not only one of the best Zelda games but one of the best retro games for players who love great stories as much as great gameplay.

Link’s Awakening is one of the few in the series not to be set in Hyrule, and instead, it strands the player on a distant island guarded by a large whale-like creature.

Here players have to help Link fight through monsters and solve puzzles in order to find the musical instruments that will lead to his escape.

26.

Super Mario Bros. 3

Released in 1990 for the NES, this platformer gives players control of Mario and Luigi as they try to recuse Princess Toadstool from Bowser.

Praised for its challenging gameplay, Super Mario Bros. 3 can be quite difficult at times, but that just makes you want to keep playing and getting better.

25.

Crash Bandicoot

Crash Bandicoot is synonymous with retro games and the first game in the series was published in 1996.

This game focuses on the origins of the main character, an uplifted bandicoot who must stop the scientist who gave him intelligence from taking over the world.

While it was criticized for its linear story and lack of innovation, the graphics, difficulty, and likability of Crash made it as much of a must-play then as it is today.

24.

Spyro The Dragon

Spiro is an iconic purple dragon that a majority of gamers can instantly recognize.

Originally released in 1998, the first Spiro game centered around the titular dragon journeying across the kingdom to defeat the evil Gnorc who has trapped the other dragons in crystals.

23.

Donkey Kong Country

Donkey Kong is one of the most popular video game characters of all time, and this was the game that kickstarted a formerly dormant franchise.

Released in 1994, Donkey Kong Country centers on the large ape and his nephew Diddy trying to get back their stolen bananas.

There are 40 side-scrolling levels to explore, numerous bosses to defeat, and loads of secrets to uncover.

22.

Grand Theft Auto

The first in the Grand Theft Auto series, this game was originally released in 1997 and it gave players control of a criminal working their way up the chain of command in the criminal underworld.

Everything takes place across three different cities and the open-world environment gave players a lot of freedom to explore and do whatever they wanted.

21. Final Fantasy VII

Final Fantasy is the series that just keeps on giving but the seventh installment of this franchise is one of the best retro games you can find.

Originally published in 1997, this game follows the story of Cloud Strife who is out to stop a megacorporation from using the planet’s essence as an energy source.

While playing the original is great for retro gaming, there is also a Final Fantasy VII remake that fans can play to re-experience the game with a full modern makeover.

20.

Grand Theft Auto IV

Published in 2008, GTA IV is set inside Liberty City and follows Niko Bellic as he tries to escape his past and survive his cousin’s constant requests to go bowling.

The open-world design gives players ultimate control, and you can choose to either stick to the main story or go off and hijack vehicles to kill some time.

19.

Super Mario Galaxy

This platformer was released in 2007 for the Wii and served as the third 3D Mario game ever developed.

In this game, players control Mario as he tries to recuse Princess Peach and stop Bowser from destroying the universe.

If you’re able to collect 120 Power Stars you can even unlock the ability to play as Luigi at a harder difficulty!

18.

Super Smash Bros.

Sometimes referred to as Super Smash Bros. 64, this game was originally released in 1999 as a crossover fighting game that featured several characters from different Nintendo franchises.

These included Donkey Kong, Metroid, Link, Samus, Jigglypuff, Kirby, Mario, Yoshi, and more.

This was the best retro game to play with friends and while there have been many sequels, the original will always be our favorite.

17.

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater has changed both gaming and skating, and it remains the most successful skateboarding video game series of all time.

Pro Skater 2 was released in 2000 and while it was largely similar in terms of gameplay to the first game, it introduced new moves and cash rewards for completing challenges.

16.

Tomb Raider

The first in the series, this retro game was released in 1996 and introduced players to Lara Croft.

Players control Lara, an archeologist, as she tracks down an ancient artifact by navigating numerous difficult levels and fighting legions of enemies.

15.

Streets Of Rage 2

This side-scrolling brawler game was published in 1992 for the Sega Genesis, and it served as a sequel to the original 1991 game.

While fan-favorite characters Axel Stone and Blaze Fielding return, there are also brand new characters players can use to beat down bad guys.

14.

The Legend of Zelda

The very first Legend of Zelda game was released in 1986 and it gave players their first introductions to beloved characters like Link, Zelda, and Ganon.

Using a top-down perspective, players can explore the overworld and numerous dungeons filled with secrets.

While this game isn’t often considered the best in the series, anyone who is a Zelda fan should play through this amazing retro game at least once.

13.

Pokémon Red/Blue

Considered some of the best Pokémon games of all time, Pokémon Red and Blue were released in 1996 and served as the first games in the franchise.

In-game there are 151 Pokémon to catch and the main goal is to become the champion of the Indigo League by beating the top trainers in the land.

While both Red and Blue can be played separately, in order to catch all available Pokémon, you have to have access to both games to trade between them.

12.

Super Mario Kart

Developed for the SNES, Super Mario Kart was released in 1992 and it quickly became one of the best racing games of all time.

In this game, players can choose between one of eight Mario series characters to drive as, each with their own abilities.

There are many different modes to play around with, including a multiplayer mode that makes taking on your friends incredibly easy.

11.

Street Fighter II: The World Warrior

Another fighting game that made a huge impact on retro gaming, Street Fighter II was released in 1991 and went on to become the best-selling game since the golden age of arcade games.

This game improves upon many elements found in the original and introduced a six-button configuration, combo system, and wider character selection menu.

Street Fighter II helped popularize fighting games in the 1990s, and even today its influence can still be seen in modern installments.

10.

Super Mario 64

Debuting in 1996, Super Mario 64 was the first in the series to feature 3D gameplay, combining traditional elements with a large open-world and attractive visual style.

This game tasks players with collecting enough scattered Power Stars to unlock Princess Peach’s castle and face off against Bowser who has invaded it.

9.

Metal Gear Solid

This game changed the stealth genre forever when it was released in 1998 and it gave players control of Solid Snake.

Tasked with infiltrating a nuclear facility to neutralize a terrorist threat, this game is difficult for gamers who aren’t good at stealth mechanics, but impossible to put down once you start playing it.

8.

Doom

When Doom was released in 1993 it quickly became synonymous with first-person shooter games.

Hordes of hellish enemies are never-ending, and levels can be literal hell to get through.

Despite its difficulty, Doom is one of the most played FPS retro games, and even today this series is going strong with Doom Eternal just being released in 2020.

7.

Goldeneye 007

Goldeneye 007 was a must-have on the N64 in 1997 and it may even be coming to the Xbox in the future.

While the single-player campaign is incredibly fun to play through, it is multiplayer against friends where this game really shines.

Between its incredible graphics, well-designed gameplay mechanics, and variety of levels and locations, Goldeneye 007 is something every gamer should experience for themselves.

6.

Super Mario Bros.

The successor to the arcade original, Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. was released in 1985 to critical acclaim.

Players control Mario as he goes through the Mushroom Kingdom to rescue Princess Toadstool from the dastardly Bowser.

The levels are wonderfully designed, the mechanics are smooth, and there is no shortage of power-ups to grab.

5.

Pac-Man

First released in 1980, this maze-like retro game turned the gaming industry on its head and quickly became a worldwide phenomenon.

While the premise is simple, get Pac-Man to eat all the pellets and advance to the next level, it requires a lot more skill than you may think, and getting caught by ghosts is a regular occurrence.

Although many spin-offs and updates of Pac-Man have been released, it’s important to remember the original that started it all and still holds up as one of the best retro games.

4.

Sonic The Hedgehog 2

This platformer was released for the Sega Genesis in 1992 and quickly became one of the best retro games in the franchise.

Following Sonic as he tries to stop Doctor Robotnik from stealing Chaos Emeralds, every side-scrolling level had something interesting to see, and racing through them at high speed was incredibly exhilarating.

3.

Tetris

Created by a Soviet software engineer in 1984, Tetris is one of the best retro games to come about almost by accident.

While the overall premise is simple, keep the blocks from reaching the top of the playing field, it requires a surprising amount of intelligence and skill to last for very long.

2.

Snake

If you were fortunate enough to grow up in a time when Nokia reigned king, and Atari was a favorite; long before smartphones, you’ll probably remember using a mobile phone for one of three things.

Making phone calls
Texting your friends
Playing Snake

The original Snake game design was developed and published by Gremlin in 1976. The game gained significant popularity after 1998 when it was preloaded onto Nokia mobile phones.

1.

Super Mario World

Taking our number one spot is Super Mario World, a 1990 platformer released for the SNES.

In this game, Mario is out to save Princess Toadstool from Bowser and his Koopalings, and every level is filled with nostalgia.

This is classic Mario at its best, and even today it holds up as a masterpiece of platform gaming and something that every gamer should play through for themselves.

Summary

We hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane with the best retro games of all time!

While it may just be the nostalgia talking, we have to admit that retro games are some of the best ever created, even if they don’t have the HD graphics modern titles have.

There is just something special about many of them, and if you haven’t yet played any of the ones on this list, we highly recommend checking them out!

Here’s a quick recap of the 50 best retro games of all time:

Super Mario World
Snake
Tetris
Sonic The Hedgehog 2
Pac-Man
Super Mario Bros.
Goldeneye 007
Doom
Metal Gear Solid
Super Mario 64
Street Fighter II: The World Warrior
Super Mario Kart
Pokémon Red/Blue
The Legend of Zelda
Streets Of Rage 2
Tomb Raider
Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2
Super Smash Bros.
Super Mario Galaxy
Grand Theft Auto IV
Final Fantasy VII
Grand Theft Auto
Donkey Kong Country
Spyro The Dragon
Crash Bandicoot
Super Mario Bros. 3
The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening
Gran Turismo
Shadow Of The Colossus
Outrun
Space Invaders
Super Metroid
The Secret of Monkey Island
Earthworm Jim
Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island
Duck Hunt
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
Metroid
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Mortal Kombat
The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past
DuckTales
Resident Evil
Pong
Mega Man 2
Chrono Trigger
Street Fighter
Frogger
Diablo
SimCity

What’s the best retro game of all time, in your opinion? Leave a comment below.

87% Missing: the Disappearance of Classic Video Games

The Video Game History Foundation, in partnership with the Software Preservation Network, has conducted the first ever study on the commercial availability of classic video games, and the results are bleak. 87% of classic video games released in the United States are critically endangered.

Imagine if the only way to watch Titanic was to find a used VHS tape, and maintain your own vintage equipment so that you could still watch it. And what if no library, not even the Library of Congress, could do any better — they could keep and digitize that VHS of Titanic, but you’d have to go all the way there to watch it. It sounds crazy, but that’s the reality we live in with video games, a $180 billion industry, while the games and their history disappear.

Just 13% of video game history is being represented in the current marketplace. In fact, no period of video game history defined in this study even cracked 20% representation.

Figure 1: Availability rate of historical games, by period, between 1960 and 2009. (n = 1500, ±2.5%, 95% CI) Curious about our methodology? Check out our study explainer blog post!

For accessing nearly 9 in 10 classic games, there are few options: seek out and maintain vintage collectible games and hardware, travel across the country to visit a library, or… piracy. None of those options are desirable, which means that most video games are inaccessible to all but the most diehard and dedicated fans. That’s pretty grim!

This is where libraries and archives should come in. Anyone should be able to easily explore, research and play classic video games, in the same way that they can read classic novels, listen to classic albums, and watch classic movies. But outdated copyright laws are preventing institutions like ours from doing our jobs.

Availability rate of historical games. (n = 1500, ±2.5%, 95% CI)
Random list of games pulled from MobyGames.

Goal of this study: Get expanded exemptions for libraries and organizations preserving video games, which are currently far more limited than their ability to preserve books, movies, audio, etc.

How this study helps: The video game industry’s main lobbying group has successfully argued to the US Copyright Office that the industry already does enough to preserve its own history commercially, and that additional protections for preservation institutions would hurt their bottom line. We proved them wrong: the industry has actually only managed to make 13% of its history available, and it’s unlikely to get better.

The argument that these games are commercially available is what’s keeping video games behind in the preservation world.

The next rulemaking proceeding under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (“DMCA”), Title 17, section 1201, of the United States Code is scheduled for 2024. We’re hopeful that this study will incite change, and that video game preservation will become stronger — before we lose more.

Survey of the Video Game Reissue Market in the United States was conducted for the Video Game History Foundation and the Software Preservation Network by VGHF Library Director Phil Salvador, published July 2023.

Want to learn more? Check out our explainer blog post for a more in-depth look at this study. A bonus episode of our podcast about this study and its findings will be available soon. You can read the full study here.

Special thanks to our volunteers:

9 vintage video games that will make you a different person – The Knife

Those whose childhood fell on the 1990s could not pass by computer consoles and games for them – then not only Vladimir Sazonovich Kiryushov, Prophet Sanboy and the Lenina Paket group asked themselves the question of what “Dendy” was, but in general everything. Of course, there were prefixes more abruptly than the eight-bit classics: Super Nintendo, which was unattainable for most, and the more popular Sega Mega Drive. It is still difficult to judge what impact platform games have had on an entire generation, but it certainly was huge and comparable in impact on young minds to the creativity of Civil Defense or even Gaza. However, if the content of Egor Letov’s songs and their consonance with late Soviet and post-Soviet reality are quite obvious, then the existential subtext and message of games for consoles have yet to be revealed. Lord Tritogenon, the founder of the Last Dawn psychological assistance center, was one of the first in Russia to take up this difficult task – at the request of the Knife, he compiled a list of nine games for the Sega console, which shaped his integral personality and impeccable taste.

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Bullfrog Productions, 1993

You can say about a rare game: “I’ll tell you the exact date when I first saw it.” I remember very well the day when I picked up a black cartridge with an android in a raincoat and the inscription Syndicate. It was a gift from my parents, and the date on the calendar was December 31, 1999.

On that day, Yeltsin left the post of President of Russia, and citizens expected that at 0:00 all the computers in the world would break down and American missiles would bomb the country. The people accepted the first with joy, the phones were torn: “Did you see? Did you hear? This is a New Year’s gift.” Well, the second citizens waited anxiously and exhaled calmly only when they drank champagne under the chiming clock and realized that they did not make sense with a nuclear wave.

I was very pleased that Yeltsin was no longer president, but that the Americans had changed their minds about destroying my family, but I was much more excited about the new game. As time has shown, even then I ideally distributed phenomena according to the scale of values.

Because Syndicate turned out to be one of the greatest games ever made for 16-bit consoles. There are versions for PC and curling irons, but it is the version for Sega that is important to us (you will understand everything at the end of this chapter).

“Syndicate” – the most advanced game for that time, combining the genres of economic strategy, isometric shooter and even reduced RPG elements. You are required to lead one of the corporations that have replaced governments. At first, you are more like a small businessman who took out a bank loan to open a beer kiosk. Well, by the standards of the universe of this game. But gradually you have to subjugate the entire globe in general.

Killer androids work under your leadership, performing various tasks, shooting enemies (armed and unarmed), and also, if desired, genocidal civilians. Everything is like in life.

Download androids, buy them weapons, go through the mountains of corpses to success.

Separately, it is pleasing that your main enemies, in addition to other syndicates, will be oppositionists who started a rebellion against the paternalistic state. They demand a free market, legalization of drugs, free bearing of weapons, privacy of private property, priority of private interests over public interests, etc. In general, you will have to shoot down libertarians.

Everything was fine in the Sega version of the game, except for one important moment. The Syndicate interface supported all UN languages, except for Russian and Chinese. And since the game has a lot of text that is not the simplest, but at the same time important for passing, saturated to the heap with cyberpunk neologisms, sometimes it was simply impossible to understand what was required of you. Especially if you are a second grader who has just started learning the English names of animals.

Fortunately, we already had machine translators back then. The benefits from them, however, tended to zero. For example, this is what the briefing before the second mission looked like, translated with the help of such a miracle program:

« Doll Valley.

Overnet node AR77 has located the judge’s kidnapped son. He is a hand held hostage by extremists’ free market. To persuade those bandits that they have better use for their talents. Additional: Bring back the judge’s son.

And you, shrugging your shoulders, go to bring back the judge’s son and persuade those bandits to have better use for their talents. Of course, I didn’t pass the game, but that doesn’t matter. Something else is important.

Back then, I still had little understanding of Chaos magic and little control over it. Now it’s clear: Yeltsin resigned, and American missiles didn’t bomb Russia just because I inserted the cartridge given by my parents in time.

The Syndicate game itself, in its current form, probably came into being at that very moment. As well as multinational corporations, libertarian ideology, and all of you.

Mindscape, 1992

Listeners of my erotic podcast about dark philosophy, dark music and dark existence already know the story of the great game Outlander. But not everyone has ears, so let me tell it again.

Like many, for a while I was forced to attend the so-called school. At first it was such a small one-story gray brick building. Next to him is an asphalt-covered playground where children do gymnastics, inevitably falling, breaking their knees and flooding everything around with blood and snot. If you go inside, you can see frescoes made by a naive artist and part-time watchman, cages with mangy parrots and a round aquarium with a goldfish swimming in it. It’s called “primary school”. Something like a paddling pool in the pool: knee-deep water, but you can still choke.

Such a “school” was forced to visit the future Lord Tritogenon six times a week. And Lord Tritogenon entered it, and sat down at the desk, and took out his pencil case. So. A boy studied with me in the same class, whose mother was Ukrainian, and whose father was Bulgarian. And in our area, Bulgarian blood is an unequivocal sentence, if not today, they will beat you tomorrow. But the problem was that Lesha was a smart kid and perfectly felt the cold of the ax of retribution hovering over him. And therefore he behaved more than modestly, sat in a corner and did not shine.

Then Outlander came to the rescue.

The action takes place in the Australian desert, the main character is a man in leather, racing along the highway in his car hung with machine guns. He is pursued by gangs of bikers, from whom our hero shoots back with a shotgun. And you rush through this desert, not meeting a single turn for the whole game.

When you run out of gas, you get out of the car, walk, beat bikers, collect gas cans, refuel and drive on along the same road, on both sides of which the landscape will never change. In general, it was not a game, but a complete hat, designed to milk young Mad Max fans. One of which was Lesha V.

After school, I invited him to my house and said: “Played with a Mad Max toy? No? Come on, I’ll show you.”

And showed.

Game Refuge, 1993

Real-time strategy is a rare genre in the console world, so every instance deserves attention, if only because it simply exists. When “General Chaos” appeared on the shelves, critics unanimously praised the creators not only for original game solutions, but also for sparkling humor, worthy of console comedies such as Boogerman or Cum Fu.

In single-player mode, you have to lead a detachment of cartoon patriots, ready to fulfill your every order and meet 16-bit death with the dignity of White Guard officers. At your disposal: a red-bearded grenade thrower, an attack aircraft with a flamethrower, machine gunners, demolition men, orderlies and a man with a rocket launcher. The latter will become your favorite unit.

Also in the single-player campaign you will meet the antagonists: in fact, General Chaos (a true Slavic-Aryan with a strong-willed chin) and General Ruin (an elderly dodik with a mustache, a monocle and a predatory look of a padded eagle). They are helped in the hard work of mass deliveries of human meat for slaughter by their secretaries – busty androgynous, somewhat reminiscent of Genesis Breyer P-Orridge.

There is no need to describe the gameplay. We simply recruit a squad from the proposed units, then move them around the battlefield and watch them kill, die and then decompose right before our eyes.

The cartoonish portrayal of characters, black humor, which is not even black, but simply childish, a general frivolous attitude towards violent death – this is what determined the aesthetics of “General Chaos”. War is a natural form of human life, and all its horrors are nothing more than propaganda tricks. This was the obvious message expressed by the creators of the game in the wake of the success of the American army, which washed its boots in the Persian Gulf.

A few years ago, the developers decided to cash in on America’s nostalgic elder Bush and started raising money on Kickstarter to make a remake of Chaos. Nothing seems to come of it, although they even showed a few demos. It turned out that over the past years, something in the American mentality has shifted. Apparently, after September 11, the military lost its charm and humorous potential. Well, if the Americans don’t want to joke themselves, we’ll have to do it for them.

Family game

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Two – father and son – play “General of Chaos”. They laugh out loud when the little men are blown up by grenades and meet in hand-to-hand combat. The boy wins and with a victory cry raises his hands up. He looks at his father and says: “I love you so much, dad.” “And I am your son,” the father replies.

And dad has no legs – he recently returned from Iraq. A star-striped flag flutters in the courtyard next to the house.

(offscreen laugh)

4. Bubble and Squeak

Audiogenic Software, 1994

For some reason, few people remember this little charming quasi-fashion of the gaming industry now. The player needs to lead two characters at once – a balding child and a blue caterpillar. I never figured out which one was Bubble and which one was Squeak, but that doesn’t matter. It is important that in English cuisine this is called roast potatoes and cabbage. I think the hint is more than transparent.

Pretending to be a typical platform game with puzzle elements, B&S reveals the idea of real male friendship in an accessible way: we eat gum together, we beat enemies together, we rush together on a combat bathyscaphe, we agonize together, choking on water.

Throughout the game, you will not encounter any female characters. But you will be opposed, for example, by bloodthirsty meat spermatozoa. Disguised as a colorful children’s toy, Bubble and Squeak turns out to be a manifesto of rational anti-natalism. He recognizes the slogan “Better never to be born”, but he criticizes it harshly. We can’t do anything about what has already been born, so why not:

a) simply not prevent the birth of others;

b) simply not to enjoy the few pleasures that are given to us.

Especially if you have a friend in the form of a thinking anthropomorphic caterpillar.

Westwood Studios, 1994

Everything is clear here. A classic, an absolute masterpiece. Real-time strategy in itself is both a miracle and torture for a player with a slow-moving joystick. But personally, what impressed me most about it was the atmosphere.

Dune has a very indirect relationship to Frank Herbert’s universe. Instead of a sandy desert, there could be water meadows, instead of warring clans – orcs, people and cockroaches, instead of tanks and sound cannons – Russian knights and Katyushas, instead of a bomber – the Sirin bird. It wouldn’t affect the gameplay in any way.

But it is the desert surroundings, the bloody seas of spice, spherical worms that devour people and equipment – that is what put “Dune” in the silicon annals of the cathode ray tubes of the universe.

The only thing I liked more than the gameplay itself was the briefings with the mentats that took place before the opening of the new map. In Dune, you could choose between one of the warring houses occupying Arrakis. These are the canonical Atridis (Americans) and Harkonnens (Russians), as well as unknown Ordos, which are not in Herbert’s books, nor in the film adaptations of Lynch and Villeneuve, nor in the 2000 series. They have always been my favourite.

There were two reasons for my love for the Ordos. The first is the color of the house. The Atreides were blue, the Harkonnens were red, and the Ordos chose green, the color of life and my eyes. The second reason was the Ordos Mentat. For the Atridis, you dealt with a cloying blue-eyed blond, from whom a fascist essence oozed. The Harkonnen Mentat was portrayed as an evil old man who looked like an emaciated Deputy Shandybin. But when you chose the Ordos, a sexy uncle was looking at you from the screen:

True, the game for the Ordos also had a significant drawback, which was revealed at the final stage of the game. By this time, the opponents had the opportunity to build a palace that gave a superweapon – each house has its own. The Harkonnen acquired the “Hand of Death” – a nuclear missile capable of destroying half of your base, Fremen began to fight for the Atredis, blue-eyed children of the desert, who rushed the whole army at enemy buildings and units. And the Ordos had a suicide bomber. He went to the indicated building, went inside and disappeared without causing any damage. This is probably one of the most famous and annoying bugs in the history of Sega.

The Battle of Arrakis began my acquaintance with the wonderful world of Herbert. Somewhat later, I saw the film adaptation of the book directed by David Lynch. By that time, I had already watched Lost Highway, Twin Peaks, Wild at Heart, The Elephant Man, The Shining, Eraserhead and A Simple Story, but it was Dune that impressed me most. It is not for nothing that it is usually called the highest achievement of Lynch.

Midway, Sculptured Software, 1995

When the anglicism “fighting” did not enter our speech, we used the original Russian word “muzzle” to describe this phenomenon. There have been a lot of brawlers in the wake of the success of Mortal Kombat. Some were stupid clones of MK and Street Fighter, only without fatalities, and sometimes even at least the beginnings of a combo. Others were original and not without charm in their insanely sophisticated attempt to make an alternative, unlike anything else scuffle. A striking example is Ballz 3D, which is better to see once.

But only the creators of MK, the Midway studio, could create a real competitor to MK on Sega. And, I must say, this game, after the lapse of years, is personally dearer to me than Mortal Kombat.

There are eight fighters available in WrestleMania, one more beautiful than the other. Personally, for obvious reasons, I liked playing as The Undertaker ( see how gorgeous he is in “real” life), Yokozuna the fat bass and Doink the clown.

The trick of this massacre was that you didn’t have to go into the shabby books “1000 SEGA Secrets” for combos, the control of each character was redeemed intuitively. At that time, intuitive gameplay was something alien.

Well, to hell with the gameplay. In a game, the atmosphere it creates is always more important. As a connoisseur of realistic art, it was the vitality of WrestleMania that appealed to me. It is unlikely that the average person will ever meet Shao Kahn and Scorpio, but psychopathic clowns and two-meter undertakers from hell are waiting for you everywhere. If you draw parallels, then “Mortal Kombat” is “The Lord of the Rings”, “WrestleMania” is “War and Peace”. If Mortal Kombat is Salvador Dali, then WrestloMania is Vermeer. If MK is Pahom, WM is Georgy Guryanov.

In general, the comparison with Guryanov is not accidental. As on the canvases of the great homosexual artist, in WrestleMania we see the same cult of real male beauty and strength, which has become something shameful to revel in lately.

Let’s admit the obvious: every male body is beautiful and perfect. Be it the body of a skinny clown with a huge rubber mallet, be it the cyclopean folds of a belly constricted by a mawashi, or a mountain of steroid muscles, or beer belly of a strong man in fiery-colored leggings.

Their wet bodies, heated by the battle, rush around the ring, voluptuously intertwining in the struggle of two desires that can only be quenched to death.

But what does this game teach children? What is the educational moment in it? To paraphrase Epicurus, she teaches that a person can be happy while sitting in his underpants in front of the TV in an unheated apartment.

Sega, 1990

Puzzle games have never been very popular among console users, if only because after Tetris there was nothing to add to the mechanics of such entertainment for a long time. But “Columns” still fell in love with billions of gamers around the world, primarily due to the colorful design, exploiting antique motifs, and inhumanly beautiful soundtrack.

The music, if that’s a vulgar term for what we hear in the start menu, was written by the Japanese genius Tokuhiko Uwabo. Using the minimal technical means that the 16-bit platform provided, he created a baroque work worthy of the best works of Dietrich Buxtehude and Philip Glass.

Synthetics merged in an alchemical marriage with transcendental matters to fall on the listener through the grid of the Temp TV’s round speaker.

If this is not enough for you, then, for example, a dance remix for this composition, made already at the end of the Kali Yuga: